What will it be when it can be a muse !

I would like to treat my life, like I would treat you

Would you hear when I will say what I need to say?

May I seek shelter, just next to you?

You can cure my loneness, should I cure yours? Can me!

being a mortal man, I am very vulnerable. 

So, can I?

Do you know?                                                                          

Silence can be a beautiful language.

May I and you be possessed (by it)?

Do you know?

Your eyes reveal your thoughts and desires to me.

Your eyes know all there is to about butterflies and wheels.

Your eyes reveal your thoughts and desires to me.

I see a woman standing at seashore, waiting for the next wave

when it arrives she holds hands with it and sways

now she is a newborn river, a mother and a lover.

Do you know?

One cannot make love to beautiful ideas.

Monologues

A Grownup's refusal
to grow up,
a betrayal ? 

************
She was a fetus inside a bottle 
bottle which broke,
A new life embraced her
Miss Sad , she was.

************
Every night,
shadows move tight.
Thick skinned whores,
maybe, your lover for the night .
If you have earned peace
YOU will be asleep through the night

************
Being proud can be a hoax.
So, are you proud ?

************
I smoked grass with the rats
Rat's took piss at me
I just hallucinated.
As time passed,
they frowned.
Them,
clowns with crowns.

************
She says,
being young , It's funny
Delighted , I enquired 
Being old ?
She just winked.
She, " She sells sea shells at the seashore
and I live at the mainlands. 

Open Letter.

Dear Beloved,
Venus.
It’s been two hibernating season since I left wandering and enjoyed brief moments of excitement which soon faded into a never ending solace. As yet one more time the hibernation period approaches thus somehow nostalgia and nausea both grabs me .You know, they make me do strange and somewhat embarrassing things. Just like the trees which shed their leaves in bitter cold becomes bare but still remains alive I too became bare and experienced misery but remained alive. When the period was over I got busy to find a new skin for me but by the time I completed my search and returned I was told that you also went into hibernation as a remedy. I soon realised that you took a new skin and later it was confirmed by a mysterious whisper which said now you go by a new identity, Venus. It made me leap into a state of shock which resulted into madness and melancholy.

Pardon me for the manner I use to make you aware. Just so you know I hold no bitterness or any sense of prejudiced anger towards you. But being alone and being lonely are two different things. I hate seasons, each and every. When first spring came I started to explore, carrying thoughts of you in the back of my mind. But my paths were mocked by disappointments and illusions. Like a human who goes into hiding when he can’t feel the land beneath his feet’s, I went into hibernation one more time. I returned taking an escape route; this path was not my first preference but somehow at first reluctantly went on. As I found some hope as some creatures expressed to me how smitten they were upon you. I thought I was following the right path till I realised that you will defy any and every attachment. It made me scared and my conscience was shaking mildly. You know, I don’t appreciate gloom but I think it does appreciate me. I am writing mostly about myself but believe me I am very curious to reach you.

I think your identity is acting like a camouflage. Sometimes I wonder as Venus will you be seen someday blossoming during some spring morning. Or as Venus, do you have various forms! But, I blindly believe that every Woman have that ability including you. Did I ever tell you about my secret fetish of smelling your hair in full spirits? Or did I ever talked to you about this girl with incredibly chubby cheeks, she’s an interesting human but sometimes she blabbers about all-sort of topics with a child like curiosity.

As I will start hibernating again, I promise you like a traveller who is very ambitious. I will not let the time collapse..

                                                                                                       Yours,
                                                                                         A trustworthy traveler.

Melancholia.

Happiness is not happy,

Happiness is feeling sad.

He don't feels joyous Anymore

It says of things which are of purely hazardous nature

He says he is being engulfed by bittersweet emotions 

His acquaintance asked the fly "What did you see from the wall”?

"I saw him becoming impatient for the first time

As Days went by, Words rarely came out of his mouth

He even started to believe that orders of the events were conspiring against him".  

                          As Only a Fool takes everything that represents beauty for "granted"   

                         And as the madmen would proudly claim To know every of                                                                                      "nature's Oldest Secret's".  

                            "In The same manner Melancholia is bound to happen with

                                  every living body”.

Freedom In a Crooked Robe .

Choked up faces
Pure Misery.
Or maybe
Actual Bliss;
When Silver moon screws with my thoughts
It’s a joyful nightmare.   
                                                                                   
...............................................                 There was a guy,
                                                              Cheerful and Holding Up bloody ambitions ,
                                                              Those events were nothing remarkable to others

                                                                     But, he found a star.
                                                                  A creature veiled with mysticism 
                                                                  His heart to that soul and back to heart 
                                                                    And a temptation to touch,
                                                                       He was swayed more or less.
                                       
                                       
                                            ..............................................................
                                        She, the star, a creature bounded by boundaries’
                                        Circled by emptiness,
                                        For her freedom was a distant dream, 
                                        A million Year of Desperation. 
         
                                         On one uneven night
                                         A spark was ignited in her eyes
                                         Whether the two drops were tears
                                         Two teardrops, one formed from either eye.
                                         But it was red,
                                         Helpless, lost her immortality.
                                        Death was knocking, freedom was granted.

Yearn And Aches.

A swan in the lake

The lake is gloomy

The Skies are cloudy

A day even worse than the mid-night.

Someone sing a lullaby.

Sun without sunshine,

Mountains Without Peaks,

Fountains of Saline Water.

I have been awake for days

Days are Nights

Nights are Day

Someone sing lullaby.

Gloom of Night.

I tried to dig my nails deep into my forehead.
I slashed some skin but failed to bring effective effects.
Suddenly, a drop poured from my eyes,
Can't actually say what it was.

A teardrop caused by the pain i got from the act,
Or a teardrop caused by the hatred bought by own insecure imaginations.

Yes, I am insecure that is why i still curse Lennon.

A bitter tale of LOVE.

An uncanny fairy tale .
there was a belle
But,there was no prince
Just a traveller with a decaying heart.

No palaces,
No enchanted forests,
Just a dimly lit square room
With single occupancy
He owned.

A belle .
That Goddess of  eternal charm
Her Unpleasent mind and unkind heart
Beneath her glowing white skin
Was a beast.

A creature who wanted to create inhuman filthiness
An imposter who talked of deprived love
Lurid dreamer,captivating worn out souls.

That traveller
An escapist with twisted destiny.
A passive insomniac .
Those ditched Goodbyes
Somehow, a whole world lies about his deception.

One sudden uncertain moment
they got mesmerized
But it was too good to believe
But they continued,
Juxtaposing each others dreams,Everytime.
But time defeated them.


That traveller went into uncertain solitude
Belle, now feeling like a fool.
Her Vanquished dreams.
The beast got unleashed ,
Belle was the beast.

Symphony Of Chaos

Let that human scream in anger
Let him pick all the remote emotions ,
He kept hidden in some unworthy corner,
Somehow,all notions getting too heavy to hold .

His isolated mind is near it's demise
Leaving behind absolute horizonless behaviour.
But,now he lusts for life
A life which got "deprived".

These days even the devil wears white
The scent of blue orchid,silently fading
This human,wants to create a moment.
A moment that will consume all the gloom
When whole sky will be burning in a mutual hatred induced gaze.

NOT HAPPILY EVER AFTER

There's no escape..
I speak the truth,or i just
don't speak..
I  fade to solitude,
desolation and silence
the only comforts in this
world of lies
but in the silence there is a
suppressed
darkness and it swallows me whole 
leaving me hollow and numb.
But this numbness is
becoming a welcome
feeling to the abuse and 
pain of those that
fake their feelings...
They say they care... they
care enough to spit in my tear stained face and tell
 me to fuck off ,they care enough to slap me when I
speak
truth to them...honesty to all their lies...

Your love is the only thing that 
sustains me against 
these torments.

I suffered and died...
She died in my arms,her
blood trickling slowly in the
gapes in the white tiles
finding the only true
escape.
She took her last breath 
while gazing at mine.
 She left me  here to fight
this fight...and it is not a
fight i wish to fight alone...
Bunt she died and i lived
against all odds...

We should have died
Together.   

Down memory lane.

Monochromatic sunlight,
Gazed along the path above and down,
Black cloudy sky playing mischievous games.
I said to myself nothing numbs the pain anymore.Why?

Sometimes i can see grey structures,
Rusty iron doors, how to escape?
That old man says, "i am lonely and depressed".

Now every, thought of mine a weird imagination.
At night that nightmare again paid a visit,
My  fears are such a stronger emotion.
But i don't know, what they feed upon to keep themselves alive.

Somehow, i can still breathe,
But, the air is inferior,almost renegaded.
So, i suffocate sometimes.

Suppress the emotions,act numb.

Above the fussy reality,
I still dream and dream.
Dreaming about this bittersweet love,
My mind ignites sacred intentions.

I left out what i needed to change.
They say i act like i Am "running out of time",
But i Am just playing my role, i won't share my secret.
In this mist of reality i am a "slave to my thought's".

My thought's, almost unidirectional,
My thought's, eyes wide shut,
My thought's, much for the pain,
My thought's, pity beautiful.   

MY playlist - Frank Ocean's "American Wedding"

Reasons for sharing:
1. It's an remake of hotel California.
2. A tragic love long.                                    
3. Frank's definition of love and lust.
4. A much dark story hidden inside the song.
                                           


                                             
                                           Frank Ocean - 'American Wedding'

Frank Ocean uses the song to criticize american marriages.He defines his own marriage as an imperfect and foolish.He even put's question upon certain religion's and the practice of choosing virgin bride.In the song he explains he is divorced and lonely and tells his whole back-story as a flashback.
       
           My favorite lines :
            It's just an american wedding
            They don't mean too much
            They don't last enough
            We had an american wedding
            Now what's mine is your's. 

Another Story of Us and Them

Now, It's seven month's since it's beginning,
But he is still  searching for the right words to say,
It's seven month's since she is alone,
Now she is afraid to close her eyes and dream again.

He expected wonders,
He expected a miracle,
He slowly got addicted to certain kind of uncertainty,
To take the right decision he made all the wrong choices.

She acted numb holding tightly her feminist beliefs,
She acted dumb to make herself  believe love's a weaker emotion.
She slowly made all her dreams nightmarish.

           

                  These days,they both pretend walking the same road,
                                    They pretend,Just pretend.
  

Under The Fading Lights

I know her hiding place,

But i want to know where she resides.
I know these days are gloomy,
But i didn't lost my pride.

Pour some cold water upon the burn,
Chased the sun rays,chased the eyes.
Stared at the beauty of the moon,
Stared at the beauty of her smile.

She might call me a stranger,
But that's not alright. 
She might call me a stalker,
But that's not alright.

Some of them say's " I am shy",
But i think i have a fear that makes me cry. 

Smells like Love....

delusion

                                           My heart wants to "FEEL" the feeling again,
                                            It's a shame as ignore it this time,
                                           All you "FEELS SO GOOD" feeling go away ,
                                            I don't want to feel it ever again.

                                          When i look at the mirror,
                                          It shows a face that don't like his secrets to be revealed.
                                          They say "LIFE GOES ON", no matter what it takes,
                                          But the thing i need to make it happen "FADED" long ago.


                                            A friend said it's time for a new beginning,
                                            Another said it's just "INFATUATION",

                                           But i think it's smells something like "LOVE"...!!

MY PLAYLIST- Smells Like Teen Spirit

I decided to share this song because:-
                                                              
1.within few month's i will be no more a teenager.(sobs)
2.I am a"Kurt Donald Cobain"fan.

3.Guitar solo.
4.It felt like i can relate to it (*the teen thing*).

In my opinion it's one of  the greatest rock song ever created.Every line describes the nature of a teenager .

                  most awesome lines:-"And I forget just why I taste
                                        Oh yeah, I guess it makes me smile
                                        I found it hard, it was hard to find
                                        Oh well, whatever, nevermind."               

Alive,But broken...!!

Now,the time for goodbye has come,
As memories faded away.
I can't deny as a riot uprising in my mind,
Makes me feel insane.

No-one wasted their precious tears,
Only face with tears running down cheeks was of mine.
Nobody cared as animals can only make you cry,
Can't wipe them.

Those days when i was smiling,
the whole crowd was smiling with me.
But,not a single "sigh" when i was in tears.

Now, thinking about the lesson i learned,

only one regret .
Like all those other million people i learned it too late.

NEW CITY,OLD DREAMS

Moving to a new city,soon.I Don't have any idea how it will be.
Only hoping that i will be able to catch up with the pace this city moves.Felling little bit of scared(after a long time),thinking about the worst things that can happen with me there.Seriously i am gonna miss
my hometown.

my playlist- " Blackout by Linkin park ".

blackout is from linkin park's 2010 album"A Thousand Suns".The song is about destruction of mankind by own hands.This track is slightly different from other"lp" tracks.

     "my fav lines."

 you said it's not,what it seems 

no remorse for the trust you're breaking,

you run,but then you fall back,

suffocate from the mess you making.